I can't change things from the outside.
Why do you want to be a teacher or speech pathologist?
When I was in seventh grade I started dating a girl from a different school. I hadn’t had to deal with homophobia yet, so I was really unprepared for what would happen when folks at my junior high found out. They started calling me all kinds of words that I didn’t know yet, and several of my friends started acting really strange toward me. I honestly had no idea what was going on, so I went to one of my teachers. She was one of those teachers who put so much energy and passion into their classroom that I couldn’t help but feel safe and welcome. She always told us that if we needed her help in anything, she’d do whatever she could for us. Yet when I walked into her classroom and told her what was going on, all she said was “That’s not an appropriate topic for school.” The *topic* being my sexuality.
She failed me that day. It took me years to talk about my sexuality or confide in another teacher. That experience, along with many others like it, solidified my desire to become a teacher. I want to be for my students everything that my teachers weren’t for me. Students need a safe space, no matter what their situation. They need emotional support, especially because many of them are not getting it at home or from their “friends.”
Through my years of school prior to college, my teachers taught me English, math, and science. I learned to sew and sing and write an essay. I also learned not to ask hard questions, bring my personal life to my classrooms, or expect teachers to care about me individually. My teachers taught me that it’s better and safer to be like everyone else instead of realizing it’s not *my* fault that people can’t deal with me. I learned not to read ahead of the class or let anyone know that I aced a test.
When I came out of the closet in high school, I got a nasty note in my locker (among an unimaginable amount of harassment from my classmates). The note called me a *** (if this blog bleeps out that word, it’s supposed to say q u e e r) and threatened me. Against my instinct, I brought the note to my (awful) principal. He read the note and said, “Well, are you?” ***? “Yes, so?” What he said after that makes me sick every time I think about it. “Well, what do you expect then? If you’re like that, I can’t do anything for you.”
I want to teach because if people who think like me never get into a system that doesn’t want them, the system will never change.